I know I’ve said it before but, lemme say it again..
Trying to Conceive is HARD !
I know for some of you,
well most of you it wasn't hard and it wasn’t trying!
I have days where I wonder if we’ll ever have babies of our own.
Sad but true.
I try my hardest and stick to my guns,
I know we’ve been pregnant before multiple times in fact but,
it’s just the little one not sticking!!!
I’m weighing a little heavy about 184 eeekkkkk!
so my short term goal is to be healthier, and lose some of this weight!
I’d like to be in the 150’s. I finally have health insurance so I’m planning to see a new doctor in May!
Lose weight, and see a new doc! Get a plan on where to go from there.
I DO KNOW I WANT TO BE PREGNANT BY VALENTINES DAY 2013!!!!
we haven’t been “TRYiNG” this whole time since our last loss Oct, 2010 but there hasn’t been any prevention either. Sixteen months of NOTHING !
I know we’re not in the best financial or living situation but I know no one is EVER 100% ready for a baby!
and I really wouldn’t mind living with my Mother in Law for the first few months after having a baby.
dresser/changing station and a Porta-crib is all that would mainly be needed at that point of course along with some baby gear.
I’ve come a long way, I was in a bad depression for a very long time.
I was on Zoloft for about a year and a half.
it helped but one day I woke up and I was done with it.
(I had forgotten to take it a few times and just decided that was the hint that I was ready to move on without it)
I still have sad/hard days. Some of them can be REALLY SAD and REALLY HARD (like panic attacks with an endless stream of tears)BUT, the harder ones come less and less as time goes on and as I grow into who I’m ment to be.
I know i have days where I can be quite bitter and no one can really understand it.
it’s hard, the hardest thing for me has been Facebook.
I have deleted the App on my phone multiple times.
to see an ultrasound picture and think really…? Didn’t you JUST have a baby?
someone even said to me “why can I be upset with them? Your just genetically different than them”
it really ReALLY bothered me, this was and is a close friend why can’t he understand the pain???
The friends and people I know that have been through fertility all have babies now.
I feel like I’m the only one still without a baby to hold of my own.
I don’t know if these friends and people care to still talk to me about the hurt and sadness.
they have their child to tend to and I don’t know if it’s bothering them.
please speak up, I still need you!
speak up if you too are dealing with fertility issues/repeat pregnancy loss we could all always need a new friend to help us through it all.
I know this isn’t the best writing and it’s very jumbled!
but sometimes proof reading it I end up deleting half of it.
I know it was written because it needed to come out so there. J
much Love, ME!
Feel free as well to email me @
whatbeginswithd@gmail.com
3 comments:
I am praying over you! Praying that a beautiful baby will fill your womb and grow healthy, strong and full term. I am so sorry for the heart ache you face. Woman should never take their fertility for granted. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Believing in His promises for you! You will be a mama!
You're right, no one ever is 100% ready to have a baby so it's good that you're not using any prevention. And now with how good fertility drugs are, you should be able to have a baby at some point. And at least you're still young, so you have years to try different fertility options. I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I can sympathize and know how sad I would be if I didn't have my babies and couldn't have any. But try not to get too down because there are still so many options for you in terms of fertility treatments. From what a doctor told my friend, it's a good sign if you've miscarried because then at least you know you can get pregnant. I'll keep you in my prayers!
We have to stay strong! Keep fighting the good fight! Praying for you! We will have our babies some day
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