Decided I needed to write a little more about us, so where better than to start but the beginning. :)
--- well Renzo asked me out on I guess you'd call it a pity date (I had just broke up with a mutual friend and they weren't being so nice to me) well we went on out first date March, 18th, 2005 and our second the 19th, and officially "together" the 21st.
From then on we were inseparable!!!
I was a junior and he was a senior in high school.
After a year and a half of dating (September 2006) we rented our first little apartment together, moved shortly after then moved again found something bigger and better.
April, 27th, 2007 -
He proposed!!! Aaahhh... It was amazing!
June, 21st, 2008 -
we were happily married!!!!
August, 2008 -
stopped Birth Control.
(doctor had said since I was on birth control for awhile that it would probably be a year before my body and hormones were normal)
February, 2009 -
NO PERIOD but no positives on a urine test @ home. I know my body I truly KNOW I'm pregnant!!! Go to the clinic on Monday, they do a urine test and it's negative...
I literally have to force the doctor to do a Blood test. She even told me "if this comes back negative which I'm sure it will you will have to pay the lab fees". Ugh... HAted her.
2 days go by and I call the office because I haven't heard from them. They said they will look around for the results and call me back. Next day nothing, day after next I call. Lady tells me if they haven't called by now it was negative. Ummm... Ok.
Hummmm... Sunday I start my "period" .
Sad I really thought i was pregnant.
TUESDAY-- Clinic calls found my blog work and I am pregnant want me to come in for follow up.
Tell the lady I had started... Go in HCG is lower.
Well now I know I can get pregnant... Hopeful.
April, 2009 -
start actually TRYING.
July, 2009 -
Late... Swear I'm pregnant but yet again way late no positive home pregnancy test. Can't get an appointment at the clinic.
Then came a heavy "period"
September, 2010 -
stumble upon EAGeR Trial.
Study trial researching effects of a low dose aspirin during trying to conceive and pregnancy.
October, 11th, 2011 ---
POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!! AND I MEAN WAY POSITIVE DON'T THINK THE LINE COULD GET ANY DARKER!!!
((( 4 weeks 3 days )))
One of the best days of my life if not THE best!!!
October, 20th, 2010--
Getting ready for bed go pee as usual, slight pink!
Fall asleep crying in my husbands arms.
So scared keep my legs closed so tight all night hoping wishing and praying everything will be ok in the morning.
October, 21st, 2010 --
Woke up to red Red RED.
Go to my doctor the does blood work and sends me to the hospital for an emergency ultrasound.
Have an external and internal ultrasound.
No baby...
((( 5 weeks 6 days )))
PRESENT DAY ---
almost a year later.
Hardest year of my life.
Deep depression.
Anxiety/panic attacks.
Weight Gain.
Severely emotional.
Constant crying.
But I am determined to have a healthy pregnancy!!!
I am made to be a mother.
I want it more than anything.
And definitely more than anyone I know.
I will get pregnant!!!
I will stay pregnant!!!
I will have baby!!!
I will be a mother!!!
We will be parents!!!
My Husband will turn 26 in May , And I will he 24 in June. Our 4 year wedding anniversary will be at the end of June. I want to be pregnant by then.
I will hope.
I will wish.
I will pray.
I will have faith.
- with <3 Laura.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
It has been the hardest thing in my life ,
I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember it has been the only thing I've ever really truly wanted!!!
And not being able to achieve a healthy pregnancy and become the mother I so ever want to be is literally slowly killing me from the inside out.
Labor days weekend was full of events surrounded with friends and family but at the end of the day and I look back and still felt so alone/lonely.
- going to a wedding and seeing happy couples gaga over the baby and the family so utterly happy over the child. Seeing the bride and groom and thinking to yourself there goes another couple who will have babies before we do...
- @ the wedding being asked how long my husband and I have been married/been together (married over three , together six and a half). And you don't have children? Do you not want them? Are you guys trying???..... I just wanted to scream so loud. I went silent and held back floods of tears while my husband can see and feel the pain in my expression. It's gotten to the point where he doesn't even know what to do anymore.
- being ditched by friends on a Saturday night and all I do is cry for hours and wish I had a child to come home to.
- having a lazy Sunday with my husband but occasionally tearing up because it still feels lonely besides we've been together six and a half years already our Sunday's have become too quite.
- Sunday dinner with my momma and I'm told of multiple pregnancy announcements... I want to yell at her and tell her I don't care , I don't want to hear everyone but me is happily with child.
- going to a parade with family all the other grandchildren and little cousins around still alone.. None of them are my babies none of them come home with me at the end of the night.
It's a complete ramble but this needs out.
I cry too much
I hope too far
I'm angry much too often
I blame myself
I don't pray enough
- Laura.
I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember it has been the only thing I've ever really truly wanted!!!
And not being able to achieve a healthy pregnancy and become the mother I so ever want to be is literally slowly killing me from the inside out.
Labor days weekend was full of events surrounded with friends and family but at the end of the day and I look back and still felt so alone/lonely.
- going to a wedding and seeing happy couples gaga over the baby and the family so utterly happy over the child. Seeing the bride and groom and thinking to yourself there goes another couple who will have babies before we do...
- @ the wedding being asked how long my husband and I have been married/been together (married over three , together six and a half). And you don't have children? Do you not want them? Are you guys trying???..... I just wanted to scream so loud. I went silent and held back floods of tears while my husband can see and feel the pain in my expression. It's gotten to the point where he doesn't even know what to do anymore.
- being ditched by friends on a Saturday night and all I do is cry for hours and wish I had a child to come home to.
- having a lazy Sunday with my husband but occasionally tearing up because it still feels lonely besides we've been together six and a half years already our Sunday's have become too quite.
- Sunday dinner with my momma and I'm told of multiple pregnancy announcements... I want to yell at her and tell her I don't care , I don't want to hear everyone but me is happily with child.
- going to a parade with family all the other grandchildren and little cousins around still alone.. None of them are my babies none of them come home with me at the end of the night.
It's a complete ramble but this needs out.
I cry too much
I hope too far
I'm angry much too often
I blame myself
I don't pray enough
- Laura.
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